Conversations are meant to be a way to connect, share thoughts, and most importantly, leave everyone feeling good. Unfortunately, it's common to walk away from a chat with friends or loved ones feeling just as indifferent, or even worse, than before. Disagreements can arise, egos might get bruised, and no one leaves with the sense of validation they secretly long for. This often happens because certain conversational "sins" were committed.

In this post, we'll discuss four key mistakes to avoid in conversations. By being mindful of these, you can make sure that after your conversations, people leave feeling uplifted, valued, and excited to see you again—because you've made them feel something rare and special.

4 Sins to Avoid During Conversation

1. Put Your Insecurities Aside

As human beings, we all carry some form of insecurity. No one is perfect, and each of us has areas of our lives we wish were different or better. Many of these insecurities are shaped by experiences from our childhood, and they can stick with us into adulthood. When we engage in conversations, we often find ourselves subconsciously looking for signs from others—hoping they'll reassure us, like us, or approve of us.

However, when we view conversations through the lens of our insecurities, it can distort how we understand others. This can make it difficult to truly connect with people and might even lead us to misinterpret their intentions. Great conversationalists know how to set their insecurities aside. They accept their flaws and don’t take things personally. This acceptance allows them to engage more openly with others, seeing things from their perspective and forming a deeper connection.

The key is to acknowledge your insecurities and embrace them. Understand that you're not perfect, and that’s okay. This self-acceptance brings a sense of inner calm, which will naturally radiate outward during conversations. Your peaceful energy will make others feel comfortable, valued, and at ease, leaving a positive impression that lasts long after the conversation ends.

2. Never Say More Than Necessary

Leonardo da Vinci once wrote, “Oysters open completely when the moon is full; and when the crab sees one, it throws a piece of stone or seaweed into it, and the oyster cannot close again, so it serves the crab for meat.” He used this as a metaphor to show that speaking too much can leave you vulnerable. When we speak less, we often appear more confident and in control. People naturally want to understand what you're thinking, so if you speak thoughtfully and sparingly, they can't easily figure out your true intentions.

This doesn't mean you should withhold information or come across as secretive. However, by keeping your words simple and your silences measured, you leave others feeling unsure. They’ll start to fill the silence themselves, often revealing more than they realize—about their own thoughts and even their vulnerabilities. They’ll end up thinking about what you said long after the conversation, and the attention you’ve created with your brief words will make them value your input more.

But remember, while this can create a sense of power, overdoing it may cause people to feel suspicious, which can hurt your relationships and make them feel uncomfortable instead of impressed. Keep it balanced to ensure you come across as thoughtful, not elusive.

When you talk too much, you risk saying something you might regret or making promises you can’t keep. Speaking excessively can make you appear thoughtless and lacking self-control, which may come across as selfish. People may start to see you as less respectable, even "cheap," and begin to lose respect for you. A sense of mystery is key in social interactions, and it’s something you can’t achieve by oversharing or being too open.

Take a lesson from influential leaders like CEOs and kings, who maintain their authority by speaking only when necessary. However, it’s important to strike a balance so you don’t come off as overly secretive or distant.

It’s a mistake to believe that opening up completely about your preferences and making yourself entirely transparent will make people like you more. By doing this, you leave no space for curiosity or imagination, which are essential for creating deeper connections. Don’t blame others for losing interest in you just because you’ve made everything too predictable or easy to figure out. Sometimes, leaving a little mystery makes you more intriguing.

3. Never Look Bored or Uninterested

One of the main reasons we engage in conversation is to share ideas and, more importantly, to feel good about the interaction. No one wants to walk away from a conversation feeling worse than before. Showing that you're interested in what someone else is saying is crucial, even if it's not always spoken aloud. If you appear bored or uninterested, it can give the impression that you don't value the other person or their thoughts, which can make them feel unimportant or even insecure.

Feeling ignored is one of the most painful emotions a person can experience. It can make them feel as though they don't matter, especially if the person ignoring them is someone they care about. They might even try harder to get your attention, but this only leads to frustration.

Never seem bored or disengaged—it can really hurt someone's self-esteem. In some cases, it’s better to have a disagreement or a heated conversation than to ignore someone entirely. However, there are times when playing "hot and cold"—acting interested at first and then pulling back—can be used deliberately, but this should be done carefully, as it can leave others feeling confused or hurt.

Life can be overwhelming at times—work, challenges, and worries can leave us feeling mentally drained, making it hard to truly engage with others and their viewpoints. However, showing genuine interest in what others think and feel during a conversation is incredibly important. If you want to be a skilled conversationalist, this is something you can’t overlook. Without it, you’ll only skim the surface of conversations and miss the chance to truly connect with others.

People often carry deep regrets, unfulfilled dreams, and anxieties about the future. What they’re really looking for is a way to release some of these emotional burdens. A meaningful conversation with someone who listens and understands can provide that relief. People are often longing for someone who will truly hear them and acknowledge their feelings. By showing interest in their lives and giving them your full attention, you offer them something precious: the sense of being heard and understood—something they may not often experience.

4. Never Condemn or Criticize Their Self-Opinion

Everyone has a sense of their own identity, what we call their self-opinion. This view of themselves may or may not be accurate, but what really matters is how people perceive their own worth. There are three key beliefs that most people hold about themselves: "I make my own choices," "I am intelligent in my own way," and "I am a good person."

The first belief, "I make my own choices," means that when people make decisions—whether joining a group, buying something, or forming an opinion—they want to believe it’s their own choice. Even if they were influenced or pressured, they’ll convince themselves it was their decision. If they feel forced into something, like obeying a boss, they may tell themselves it was their choice, or secretly resent the situation. People always want to feel like they are in control of their decisions.

The second belief, "I am intelligent," means that people take pride in their knowledge, even if it's not in a traditional sense. For example, a plumber may feel highly skilled in his work and believe his opinions are based on solid reasoning. Most people don’t like to think of themselves as gullible or lacking intelligence. Even if they aren't "book smart," they will often believe they are clever in other ways.

It’s important to recognize and respect these personal beliefs. Criticizing or dismissing someone's self-opinion can hurt their sense of self-worth. Everyone wants to feel that their identity and abilities are valued, even if they are different from our own.

The third universal belief, "I am a good person," reflects our desire to see ourselves as supportive of the right causes, treating others kindly, and being a team player. Even if we're in charge and need to enforce discipline, we may call it "tough love," believing we're acting for the good of others.

Alongside these common beliefs, people also develop more personal self-opinions that help protect them from their insecurities. For example, some might think, "I'm a free spirit," "I'm very independent and don't need help," "I'm attractive and can rely on that," or "I'm a rebel who rejects authority."

In each of these self-opinions, there’s often an underlying sense of superiority in that area: “I am different in this way, and you are less so.” These self-opinions are often shaped by experiences in childhood. For example, a person who identifies as a rebel may have had a father figure who let them down, or perhaps they were bullied and now reject authority as a defense mechanism. Similarly, someone who prides themselves on being self-reliant may have had a distant mother, causing feelings of abandonment and a need to build an image of strong independence.

Understanding these personal self-opinions helps us see how people's insecurities and past experiences shape how they view themselves, often leading them to hold on tightly to these beliefs.

A person’s self-opinion plays a huge role in shaping their thoughts, values, and how they respond to others. It’s at the core of their identity, so they’re unlikely to accept ideas that challenge it during a conversation.

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